Little Miss Muffet

When I was little my mom always would ask me if I wanted english muffins. “Yes,” I’d always say. Then I’d hide them under the couch cushions for her to find later. I must’ve loved hide and go seek too, then. She’d find them in about a week and there was never just one in there. I love when kids do stuff that you can’t get mad at because you start laughing. I think that’s what I miss the most, is the laughter. I used to always be joking around and having fun and then everything got so damn serious. Do we turn a certain age where the world just seems different all of the sudden? Or are we following the world that is constantly teaching us to change towards them? I always promised myself I wouldn’t cave. That I’d keep my light heart and would laugh uncontrollably for ten minutes once more. It hasn’t happened yet but I have hope that it will. I hate things that are too serious! Why am I so serious now?! I sit with a blank stare trying to think of things in life that make me smile and it used to be just the simplest thing! I’m quite klutzy and am always tripping and falling, or like I mentioned in another post when I was taken on a blind date horseback riding. Not paying attention and getting hit in the face by a branch. “Whoopsie!” Was one of my favorite words. Looking back now, I think my most popular saying is “I’m sorry.” What?! That can’t be. It is though. I got married when I was 21 to an abusive guy and I think all I ever did was apologize just because. Then, I just knew that when I apologized we could move on. That was his routine when we’d fight in a way. Nothing else was routine about our fighting and I paid a heavy price for it in the way he treated me, and for me losing many of my friends. I grew up in a close knit group of friends, I think in 7th grade was when I started to get to know many more of my classmates and would soon think of them as family growing up. I love my own family so damn much but growing up was more stressful than it should’ve been. Shit, I just can’t talk about this right now. I’m out.

Advertisements